Most of you EM loyalists, that is to say, the six of us who regularly visit the site, know about my Slavic heritage, and to that effect, my extreme aversion to many things Russian. For the most part, this is a consequence of my amazing satirical skills, however, sometimes I?m just not kidding. Recently, as in last week and through today, there was a profound gas shortage in many districts of The Continent, including the redheaded stepchild of the EU, Turkey. Upon hearing this I immediately slammed Russia as the antagonist, but that was just my usual bias. Subsequent articles in the New York Times (eloquent and vivid I might add, as always) revealed to me that Ukraine, not necessarily Russia, was the culprit. Ukraine has had a troubling, yet often inspiring, period of reconstruction after the collapse of the Soviet Union. During the famous Orange Revolution, the leading candidate for the Presidency (who is now in office), Victor Yushchenko was poisoned and left with large amounts of scarring on his face (and we thought the US primaries were brutal!). Fighting through this national dilemma, Ukraine has emerged for the better, inching closer and closer to becoming an industrialized western nation, with hopeful bids for NATO and EU membership.

So let?s get to the point. Gazprom, the Russian gas extraordinaire, ceased its oil shipments to Europe, which equals roughly 36% of all European fuel imports. Before we get upset and say somethings we don?t mean, let?s also explore the Russian inquiry that claims the Ukrainians to be oil thiefs. Supposedly gas was being illegally siphoned from the Druzbha pipelines that are found throughout Eastern Europe.

It seems as if Ukraine is playing hardball with Russia, which may not be such a splendid idea. As Ukraine looks to the future, it sees the NATO, the EU, maybe prosperity, but definitely not mother Russia, or the Soviet Union as many remember it ? and I still call it. Could the fledging democracy known as Ukraine, or to some of us as ??????? (seriously, I may be a self-proclaimed linguist but, come on, can people really decipher these Eastern European symbols) be instigating a battle royal with Russia, or maybe a duel at the world?s strongest man competition (actually, Poland always dominates, sorry guys)? Let?s put it this way. If Ukraine opposes Russia to such an extent that it encourages companionship with the west, it may have a better shot at NATO and the EU, which would make mother Russia weep like a stada baba. The increased isolation of Russia can only benefit us freedom seekers, as the kingdom of Putin is not entirely passive in suppressing basic human rights, and it must develop a more tolerant domestic policy if it wants western friends.

Across Europe, gas shortages have led to increased panic and national states of emergencies. The Czech Republic lost 75% of its imported gas, while the ever-tumultuous Balkans fared little better, Turkey lost everything it had coming from Russia via Ukraine. If the piracy ensues, Putin?s Police State, that?s Russia for you reds, intends to halt all shipments going through Ukraine, regardless if it is to be re-routed to Western Europe.

Fortunately, for us EU lovers anyway, Jose Mannuel Barroso, the President of the European Commission, took a hard line with comrade Putin and treatened major consequences for Russia?s relationship with The Continent. Once again, we are not sure if Ukraine actually stole Russian oil, or if they purposefully restricted gas pipelines coming from Europe, but we do know Austrain and Slovak engineers confirmed Ukrainian pipelines were shut down for a two nights. The European Union can learn a few things from this crisis: 1. Find another source for your energy needs. You cannot depend on Russia, your enemy for decades, to deliver fuel. 2. Ukraine is still a developing nation, and it cannot be counted on to act responsibly (that is the situation with many developed nations also, ironic huh). Germany has already realized this and is currently constructing a gas route from Russia, across the Baltic, to the fatherland.

All in all, this has been just another day in the ever-interesting wide world of Slavs. I hope I have informed you non-Slavs of the world across the Atlantic, one that is still controlled by ancient tribal discrepancies and fueds.